I was takin' a trip out to L.A.
Toolin' along in my Cheverolet
Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio
Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
I heard that highway start to whine
And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow
Well the spare was flat and I got uptight
'Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim
I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar, a
Kind of a red-neck lookin' joint called the "Dew Drop Inn"
Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one
Well there was one thing I was sure proud to see
There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me and
He just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone
I called up the station down the road a ways and
He said he wasn't very busy today
And he could have somebody there in just about 10 minutes or so
He said," Now, you just stay right where yer at!"
And I didn't bother to tell the dern fool
That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go
I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car
With the peace sign, the mag wheels and the four on the floor?"
Well he looked at me and I damn near died
And I decided that I'd just wait outside
So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door
Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin
These 5 big dudes come strollin' in
With this one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth
Now I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son!"
And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath
Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight
In Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night
Especially when there was three of them and only one of me
They all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I better think of something pretty quick
So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee
Now he let out a yell that'd curl yer hair
But before he could move I grabbed me a chair
And said "Now watch him Folks cause he's a furly dangerous man!"
"Well you may not know it but this man is a spy.
He's a undercover agent for the FBI
And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!"
He was still bent over holdin' on to his knee
But everybody else was lookin' and listenin' to me
And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went
I said "Would you believe this man has gone as far
As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars
And he voted for George McGovern for President."
"Well he's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags!
I betchya he's even got a commie flag
Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage."
"He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys
He may look dumb but that's just a disguise
He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"
They all started lookin' real suspicious at him and
He jumped up and said "Now just wait a minute Jim!
You know he's lyin' I been livin' here all of my life!"
"I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch
And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church.
And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"
Then he started saying somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed
But I didn't wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run outta luck
And when I hit the ground I was makin' tracks
And they were just taking my car down off the jacks
So I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up
Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud
Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd
Comin' out the door and headed toward me at a trot
And I guess I shoulda gone ahead and run
But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun
Of chasin' them all just once around the parking lot
Well they're headed for their car but I hit the gas and
Spun around and headed 'em off at the pass
I was slingin' gavel and puttin' a ton o' dust in the air
Well I had them all out there steppin' and fetchin'
Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin'
but I figgered I'd better go ahead and split before the cops got there
When I hit the road I was really wheelin'
Had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'
And I didn't slow down till I was almost to Arkansas
Well I think I'm gonna reroute my trip
I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
If I went to L.A., via Omaha
[Thanks to David, Greg Sweet for corrections]
Daniels Charlie Tabs