By Todd Butler
(Guitar Tacet throughout with bass fills)
It all started when I took this job as a private investigator
Specializing in locating people;
The company was called Pathfinder...
My first job--my Quest, if you will—
Was to Focus on this Regal Viper
And Tracker on her latest Excursion from Tacoma to Dakota via Montana.
Safari as I could tell, this Swift little Troopers' Expedition
Had left a Tahoe of Maxima heartache from Park Avenue to Silverado.
Her name, was Savannah Isuzu.
I was Bentley on finding her
No matter how Ferrari I Honda go to do it
Besides, this little Venture was my Passport to the Ultima Golf Oddessey
And I wasn't about to Passat up
I finally Saab her in some rundown joint in Surrey
Seducing her was Integra to my plan
So not wanting to appear Jeep
I ordered some Lamborghini and Saturn next to her
She had the Mitsubishi.
" Audi " I said, "been lookin' Ford ta meetin' ya
Jimmy Durango's the name, but my friends call me Intrepid
What's yer sign?".
"Taurus " she cooed.
I had to Explorer right then so I slid my hand onto her Neon under the Sable.
" I'm takin' Vitara " I offered, trying to Impreza.
She seemed Intrigued by my Mystique
"Camaro " she whispered,
So, being as Cavalier as I could, I leaned towards her expecting a kiss
But she Dodged at the last moment
And I Rammed my face into the back of her chair.
"That Mustang" she laughed.
Then she leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Jetta life, Durango".
I knew right then a Hummer was out of the question.
"Hey, don't call 911" I sneered
"I Mazda mistaken you for someone looking for a Buick Chevrolet
You obviously don't know what yer Nissan"
I could feel her Mercury rising
"Lexus get one thing straight Durango
If you're Lincoln you can just Rolls Royce in here
Get me Lotus and Probe my Volvo...
You've got another thing comin', Pontiac!"
Obviously she was no Porsche over but
I had my pride Hyundai wasn't about to Legacy my embarrassment.
"Toyota have the doorman throw you out" she chided, "but I Cadillac ya"
My low self-Esteem seemed to Echo through the joint
But it was but a Prelude to the Insight I gained
When she Volkswagen vanished like a Mirage on the Breeze
"Yugo!", I shouted
Chrysler, she's good, I thought!
I suffered from Sonoma that night;
A night that seemed to go on for Infiniti.
When morning came, it felt like a Century had passed
And I knew my days at the company were over
She'd Sentra that.
I'll never find Acura for the heartache she caused me
And Daewoo the day I ever heard the name.