G C Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee G D G They'll come lookin' for Opie and me G C Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone G D G Me and Opie down by the duck pond Well, Goober brought down some homegrown 'hay' It whomped me upside the head, I never felt that way Aunt Bee said we'd be in dutch If the sherrif ever caught us smokin' that stuff Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee They'll come lookin' for Opie and me Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone Me and Opie down by the duck pond I heard a little holler down in the woods Sounded like a soul sayin', "Mmm mmm good!" Moved a little closer, sneakin' like a squirrel Otis was slurpin' up his favorite girrrrrl Now Otis said, "Boys come sit by the still I'll pour you up a jar of that famous swill If you can't walk don't worry no way Now LIGHT THAT PIPE and pass it my way!" Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee They'll come lookin' for Opie and me Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone Me and Opie down by the duck pond I had to dodge a rock that was hittin' the tree Out of the swamp came Ernest T. Gold tooth flashin' as he hit that pipe Out of the blue came Barney Fiiiiife! Well now Barney come down to nip that still Wavin' an axe, a lawman's thrill Opie, don't smoke, you'll turn yourself green Give me up a puff and I'll show you what I mean Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee They'll come lookin' for Opie and me Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone Me and Opie down by the duck pond We all sat there for most of the night Trying to figure out our left from our right Here comes Andy and old Aunt Bee Scoldin' the hell out of Opie and me Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee They'll come lookin' for Opie and me Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone Me and Opie.... Down by the duck Pond.