I slowly open up one eye Feel a pounding in my head My mouth tastes like I ate my socks Lord, I think I must be dead There's something lying next to me Got a hairy, ugly face I saw her in a movie once The thing from outer space I see little creepy crawlers In the corners of my eye When I try to look at them They flap their little wings and fly I reach out for the nearest beer It tastes as warm as pee It's full of soggy old ciggy butts But I only swallowed three It was a crawling home puker that made me this way A crawling home puker, now I gotta pay I ain't no quitter, I'll party 'til the end But if I live through this one, I 'll never do it again I fall down upon my knees Put my arms around the stool I whisper to my toilet bowl "Thanks for being so cool" My stomach feels like Jell-O My brains have turned to mush My toilet's overflowing I don't have the strength to flush I got crusties on my eyeballs And my teeth is growing hair And I smell just like a beagle When he's passing stinky air I feel like death warmed over And I think I got the runs Then someone cracks a beer and says "Hey, have a beer, you old son-of-a-gun!" It was a crawling home puker that made me this way A crawling home puker, now I gotta pay I ain't no quitter, I'll party 'til the end But if I live through this one, I 'll never do it again