Robert Frasier asked for this song.  It's a little 'crude' in places, but
lots of fun to do for the right audience.  If you need it, an explanation
of the Nashville Number System can be found by following this link path: 
Cowpie/Resources/Lessons/NashvilleNumberSystem#3.  For further help,
email Tom at tipper194@juno.com.

Tom Rivers
        -        -        -        -        -        -        -        -

IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY
David Allen Coe

(SING)
IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'LL HAIRLIP THE POPE
IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOKE
I'VE SEEN THE GRAND OL' OPRY AND I'VE SEEN JOHNNY CASH
IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS
(TALK)
THE OLD MAN WAS COVERED WITH TATTOOS AND SCARS
HE GOT SOME IN PRISON AND OTHERS IN BARS
THE REST HE GOT WORKIN' ON OLD JUNK CARS - IN THE DAY TIME

THEY LOOKED LIKE TOMBSTONES IN OUR YARD
AND I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM WHEN HE WASN'T TARD - AND MEAN

HE SOLD USED CARS TO MAKE ENDS MEET
COVERED WITH GREASE FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FEET
CUSSIN' THE SWEAT AND THE TEXAS HEAT - AND MOSQUITERS

AND THE NEIGHBORS SAID WE LIVED LIKE HICKS
BUT THEY BRUNG THEIR CARS FOR PA TO FIX - ANYHOW

HE WAS VETERAN PROUD, TRIED AND TRUE
HE'D FOUGHT 'TIL HIS HEART WAS BLACK AND BLUE
DIDN'T KNOW HOW HE'D MADE IT THROUGH - THE HARD TIMES

HE'D BOUGHT OUR HOUSE ON THE GI BILL
BUT IT WASN'T WORTH ALL HE'D HAD TO KILL - TO GET IT

HE DRANK PEARL IN A CAN AND JACK DANIELS BLACK
CHEWED TOBACCO FROM A MAILPOUCH SACK
HAD AN OLD DOG THAT WAS TRAINED TO ATTACK - SOMETIMES

HE GOT DRUNK AND MEAN AS A RATTLESNAKE
AND THERE WASN'T TOO MUCH THAT HE WOULD TAKE - FROM A STRANGER

(SING)  THERE WAS 13 KIDS AND A BUNCH OF DOGS
A HOUSE FULL OF CHICKENS AND A YARD FULL OF HOGS
(TALK)  AND I SPENT THE SUMMERTIME CUTTIN' UP WOOD FOR THE WINTER
(SING)  TRYIN' LIKE THE DEVIL TO FIND THE LORD
WORKIN' LIKE A DEMON FOR MY ROOM AND BOARD
(TALK)  A COAL BURNIN' STOVE, NO NATURAL GAS
AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS
(TO CHORUS)

(TALK)
MAMA SELLS EGGS AT THE GROCERY STORE
MY OLDEST SISTER IS A FIRST RATE WHORE
DAD SAYS SHE CAN'T COME HOME ANYMORE - AND HE MEANS IT

MA JUST SITS AND KEEPS HER SILENCE
SISTER SHE LEFT 'CAUSE DAD GOT VIOLENT - AND HE KNOWS IT

MAMA SHE'S OLD FAR BEYOND HER TIME
FROM CHOPPIN' TOBACCO AND I'VE SEEN HER CRYIN'
WHEN BLOOD STARTED FLOWIN' FROM HER CALLOUSED HAND - AND IT HURT ME

SHE'D JUST KEEP WORKIN' TRYIN' TO HELP THE OLD MAN
TO THE END OF ONE ROW AND BACK AGAIN - LIKE ALWAYS

SHE'S BEEN THROUGH HELL SINCE JUNIOR WENT TO JAIL
WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT SHE AIN'T NEVER FAILED
TO GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND PRAY - BECAUSE SHE LOVES HIM

TOLD ALL THE NEIGHBORS HE WAS OFF IN THE WAR
FIGHTIN' FOR FREEDOM - HE'S GOOD TO THE CORE - AND SHE'S PROUD

NOW OUR PLACE WAS A GRAVE YARD FOR AUTOMOBILES
AT THE END OF THE PORCH WAS FOUR STACKS OF WHEELS
AND TIRES FOR SALE FOR A DOLLAR OR TWO - CASH

(SING)  THERE WAS 50 HOLES IN THE OL' TIN ROOF
ME AND MY FAMILY WAS LIVIN' PROOF
(TALK)  OF PEOPLE WHO FORGOT ABOUT POOR WHITE TRASH
AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS

(TO CHORUS, THEN END WITH)
(SING)  I'M THINKIN' TONIGHT OF MY BLUE EYES
CONCERNING THE GREAT SPECKLED BIRD
I DIDN'T KNOW GOD MADE HONKY- TONK ANGELS
(TALK) AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS

            1     1      4     4     5      5     1     1
            1     1      (4 5) 1
 
(Singing verses)                     
            4      5     1     4      5     5     1      1
            4      5     1     4      5     5     1      1
            4      5     1     1      4     5     1      1
            1      1     1     4      5     5     1      1 

[ More Coe David Allan Tabs & Chords ]

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