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I'm No Russian lyrics - Jimmy Buffett

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I’m no Russian, not even Prussian
Doorman at the yacht club was my one claim to fame
Some say I’m noisy, hell, I’m from Jersey
This chasing money can do things to your brain
How does a short boy like me
Wind up out on the Black Sea?
Dropped out of Harvard then joined the Coast Guard
Made a faithful 50 on a boat in …
Did my duty but missed the booty
I heard that Saint Barth was the place I should go
How could a full steed like me
Sail off into infamy?
I couldn’t surf or sing or play the guitar
All I ever did was steal an oligarch’s car
My million dollar joy ride was not the perfect crime
And those bad boys from little Odessa don’t believe in wasting time
A Lamborghini elementary ain’t your average alley car
Park it close to driver Toby, sounded like some kind of tsar
With the magnum full of crystal and devilry inside
I thought it was crazy not to take a ride
….passing many boats …at the roundabout didn’t get the joke
Speeding down the hill like Odessa on the rise
Parked it on the runway and I headed for the Belage
Bar on fire in a desire, dancing on the table, she was waving me in
Her name was Kyra, she knew no fear-a
Then introduced me to her vampirish friends
I’ve never seen such a girl
Was she from some future world
Ordered thousand dollars vodka and kilos of caviar
I told them how I commandeered the oligarch’s car
They were laughing, speaking Russian and getting over served
When Kyra looked at me and said could you take us rounds on …
A chick drunk strike is a lethal attack
You never see it coming and you can’t fight back
They feel entitled to have access from drugs to army camps
If you don’t believe me ask the generals down in Tampa
KGB and coppers seemed joined in the chase
Spectators laying the roads like …
I dropped the girls at Tea Bar to get them out of the commotion
And I missed the curb 20 and drove into the ocean
Underwater, my world is sinking
Will I wound up like Pussy Riot, that’s what I’m thinking
Feeling foolish, my faith’s a mystery
Don’t want baloney all rolled up in my sushi
Oh, baby Jesus come through
I am in need of rescue
Now we can’t leave this white boy drowning in the dark
What the hell was he thinking, you don’t fuck around the sharks
Turns out the lovely Kyra held the most important tulip
It was her daddy’s Lamborghini and she saved the crazy fool
No, I couldn’t surf or sing or play the guitar
They made an artificial reef out of the oligarch’s car
It was Kyra, lovely Kyra who got them off the hook
Then they took her yacht to Istanbul just to take a look
No, I couldn’t surf or sing or play the guitar
All I ever did was steal an oligarch’s car
My million dollar joy ride was not the perfect crime
But I’m not dead, still have my head, this Margarita needs more lime

[Thanks to Max for lyrics]

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